Alcohol
by kbdiz
Summary: Felicity lies, puts on a facade, acts like an innocent girl who has never said the word alcohol. But has our favourite hacker had more experiences with the intoxicating liquid than we think?
1. Chapter 1

**This is kind of bad. I don't know if I like the style but I tried. I really like angsty fanfictions it's a problem. So if you like them too, please read, I guess? Review if you want another chapter!**

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Alcohol. Felicity was very good at drinking alcohol. She had a lot of practice in becoming unaffected by the drug in her teens to very early twenties. Oliver was extremely unaware of the cute, babbling facade she had. Therefore that meant he had no idea what kind of things she was capable of - except her computer expertise. For instance, he had not one single clue that Felicity could drink four shots of vodka and be only slightly tipsy. He also had no clue she could drink many men under the table with ease.

This all came to light after Oliver decided to drag Diggle and Felicity out on a celebration night. They had just defeated Slade Wilson, the super soldier with a mask that looked like a pumpkin gone wrong. Although, it seemed, the only person who felt defeated and unhappy in this time of joy was Felicity. Oliver confessed to loving her but then played it off as acting. She was utterly confused and heartbroken. Felicity believed he didn't actually love her as if you did love someone you wouldn't be able to play it off easily - especially if the person you said it to had been pining for you for two years.

She sat at the bar of a club in the Glades called 'Evolution.' Oliver and John were playfully dancing trying to cheer Felicity on so she'd join them. Sadly, the only thing she wanted to do was drink herself under the table. She didn't do it because first of all, she had told Oliver repeatedly she hasn't drunk excessively before and second of all, it would take a while knowing her.

At this point Oliver had enough with Felicity moping around and walked over to her.  
"Hey Felicity!" He said getting a noise of acknowledgement from her.

"Let's play a drinking game! You told me you don't usually drink so I'd thought it would be a fun experience for you."

Felicity shook her head and replied,"I'm good Oliver, thanks though."

Oliver huffed and tried to ask from a different angle,"What? You scared?"

A switch in her brain went off when he said that as if she'd geared up to drink.

"Fine! But I bet you your favourite t-shirt if I win!" She laughed, knowing his favourite t-shirt was one of his most prized possessions,"And you have to wear one of my dresses!"

Oliver scoffed and replied,"Alright then. And if I win, which I will, you have to dress like me for a week and I get to dye your hair brown!"

The bartender lined up ten shots and they both took five each.

"Ready, set, go!" shouted Diggle happily. By three seconds later Felicity had already devoured half of them - oh, how she loved the metallic burn of liquor down her throat, made her feel back on Earth. Oliver was just starting his second. He wasn't taking note of Felicity's progress but was sure as hell aware how many shot glasses had been put down. Five. Felicity had won. The Emerald Archer was flabbergasted - he didn't know what to say. He was absolutely without a doubt flabbergasted.

"How-wait-wait-How'd you do that Felicity?" Ollie asked with complete confusion,"You're like not even acting drunk." Felicity shrugged - she didn't know what to say.

"Maybe - just maybe - I'm not a silly little lightweight like you?" The blonde retorted playfully, "Anyway! I won so I'll be expecting my half of the bet tomorrow." She thought what she had just said over in her head and didn't understand why everything she said had to sound so damn sexual! But nonetheless, she stood up and grabbed her bag.

"Uh, Felicity, where do you think you're going? After that kicks in you're going to be bat-shit drunk and most likely throwing up. Also how are you even planning on getting home?" Diggle cautiously said.

"I'll drive. It's fine when I drink this much I'm usually acting and looking pretty sober. No need to worry about me," Felicity replied smiling.

"W-w-w-wait one second there. Usually? What bullshit have you been telling us then. You never drink! Well, that's what you told us?" Ollie supplied, "Also driving? Forget about bat-shit drunk what about bat-shit crazy? That's ridiculous you're like five times over the limit!" After Oliver finished his angry rant she realised what she'd let slip and now she had to pick up the pieces.

"If I walk in a perfect straight line, will you let me drive my car home?" The hacktivist deadpanned trying to end the conversation.

"Fine but only as I know you can't do it." The archer exclaimed, John nodding in agreement and shaking their hands on it. Felicity then, in great big (empire state building big to Oliver anyway) heels, walked in a perfect straight line. She chuckled, waved in a patronising manner and made a beeline for the exit.

* * *

Felicity woke up the next morning with the slightest buzz in the back of her brain from the alcohol. She ignored it and got on with her day. With teeth brushed, hair brushed, outfit on and breakfast eaten she headed to the Arrow Cave at her usual routine time to check up on her newest algorithms. The blonde begged to God her crime-fighting friends weren't there and if they were they'd be doing something distracting enough to not notice her presence.

The door slammed. A nice ice-breaking entrance don't you think? Felicity didn't think so. Turned out the gang were down there doing menial tasks and - without a doubt - heard her come in.

"Good morning, ladies." Felicity greeted.

"Drive home safe?" Diggle asked patronisingly.

"Yes, actually. Not like I said I would or anything." She deadpanned. The blonde then looked to her left and saw a worn out hungover chunk of flesh. Oh wait- no that was just Oliver.

"How did you even do that? I can barely stand." He groaned.

"Yeah, how did you? I vaguely remember you making a comment about how you're fine usually. Yet you've told us on many occasions you don't drink, and if you do, definitely not that excessively." Diggle asked. Felicity huffed and didn't know what to say. How is she meant to explain drinking was her extracurricular for university or her favourite pass-time. How is she supposed to tell them how she's turned up drunk to work as Oliver's executive assistant from too much booze five hours before. She was absolutely stumped.

"Well, Felicity?" Oliver whined, "Want to ex-p-lain please?"

Felicity has a very smart mind and should be able to find a hundred ways a minute to create an excuse for this situation.

All she could say was, "You know, I _did_ go to university. What else would I have done there? Except get my computing degree of course." Oliver and Diggle laughed. They knew it wasn't true. She knew they knew it wasn't true.

"The real explanation please?" Oliver asked, again. Felicity didn't want to give a real explanation. It was a part of her life she kept secret. She only cracked it open with a nice bottle of store-brand vodka. A problem routed from Daddy and Mummy issues from infancy. The only sort of memories that would cause a just-turned-fourteen year old to be introduced to alcohol so young. Drugs, money and sex as a sixteen year old. Virginity? Lost that six months into being fifteen at a rich boy's house party. Deep routed issues that she couldn't get rid of and had no idea how to explain.

She stumbled over her words, "Well that wasn't a lie. It was the truth-"

"Just not the full truth," Oliver blankly interrupted, "Mind giving us that?"

Felicity laughed stoically, "Yeah, I do actually. Sorry." John let his head fall back knowing this could lead nowhere or somewhere really bad.

"Too bad. Spill. Now." he said with his angry, yet concerned voice.

"Why do you assume it's something so bad? Why can't you just leave it alone?" she asked, annoyed.

"Because you're clearly hiding something. You're drifting into daydreams and are not wanting to share anything with us. It's a dead giveaway."

"I'm from Las Vegas, no Dad, hardly saw my Mum as she was working her ass off for us and my boyfriend offed himself when I was at M.I.T. What did you expect from a girl like that? Sunshine and rainbows? Seriously. It's just a habit I picked up as a kid - nothing major. Everyone drank then anyway."

"Then? At what age did you start drinking Felicity?" Diggle asked worriedly.

She thought for a second, "I don't know. Late thirteen, early fourteen?"

"What? The normal age as a teenager is sixteen. Not thirteen! You're barely a teenager! That's ridiculous why would you do that?"

"It was fun? Parties were fun. Didn't want to go home and find my Mum looking at bills, crying about wherever my Dad was or just how sad she looked in general. It was just easier to deal with. She also treated me like I wasn't good enough or 'Donna Smoak' enough." The blonde replied, shrugging once again.

"Well, do you still do it now?" The vigilante asked hopefully.

"Drugs no," Oliver froze... _drugs? _"Drinking... maybe. Well... yes. Surprised you hadn't noticed since I have arrived at the office many-a-time drunk from a few hours before. My sessions last for an extended amount of time."

"You know by telling me this you could get yourself fired." He explained.

"Oh no! What would I do. With my degree, I could actually use it this time!" Felicity laughed," Why would I care about that."

"Sure you haven't had a drink this morning Felicity?" Diggle asked.

"Funny one."

"I'm tired of this shit. Anything else you want to lecture me about, make me tell you or drag out my brain?" She said yawning.

"Yes, actuall-"

"Too bad," Felicity exclaimed cutting him off and getting ready to leave, "See you at work boss."


	2. Chapter 2

**R&R for this chapter. I uploaded the other one last night and if you liked it this is another chapter but more hurt/comfort. (Review if you want an angsty chapter later! I have an idea for it.)**

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They left her alone for her drinking problem for around a week. They left It alone until she didn't turn up to the foundry on a bright, sunny Monday. Oliver and Diggle were panicked of course but had a rough idea as to why she hadn't arrived. Another night of harmless fun, right?

If it was so harmless, why did Felicity need it so often and hide it?

They arrived at her charming, well decorated home and opened the door. It wasn't locked. Oliver walked in and smelt the pure stench of liquor he could practically taste it; it made him sick. Her house was a mess, which was unlike Felicity as when they last came (she made sure everything went back in to their certain designated space) bottles of vodka, beer and such littered across the floor carelessly, plates stacked up in the sink and – most memorable of all – a small figure in the corner of the room passed out with a bottle of an unknown whiskey. They acted in unison, picking her off the floor to bring her to the sofa, most likely the only clean place in her apartment at that time.

Felicity had tear marks down her face – drying but fairly new – highlighting how she was probably still drinking about an hour before and fainted then. Her clothes were dirty and Diggle could feel the amount of alcohol drenched into her clothes, her hair was in a messy bun and her makeup was barely clinging to her face anymore. This was a problem; she has a problem and they have no idea how to help her.

Sure, Oliver had experienced the 'Frat Boy' lifestyle and even pulled Thea out of it, but that's different. Felicity had deep seeded issues that Oliver hadn't known until a week before. When she told them, it wasn't an invite to help her or talk more. Felicity was giving the idea of 'If I tell you will you leave me to do my own thing?' It worked for a week. But Felicity clearly didn't deserve her degree if she didn't realise it wasn't going to stay that way.

Neither John, nor Oliver had spoken since they had arrived. They just acted similarly; cleaning up and putting things away.

That was until the Emerald Archer broke the silence, "What are we going to do?" John froze. He certainly did not have an answer to that. He knew multiple factors – not just her childhood traumas – that could have led to this night. Oliver didn't see it because _he _was one of the causes. Felicity was undeniably falling for him and he wilfully broke her heart. It was a sticky situation, but he promises himself he'll fix it.

"Talk to her? Supervise her?" John suggested, "I know for a fact this goes farther than drugs and alcohol this is depression we're talking about and we can't take that lightly." As he finished his sentence he heard stirring on the couch. The petite blonde was waking up.

Felicity sat up tiredly, ignoring the pounding currently going on in her head. She was disoriented and clearly didn't notice Spartan and the Green Arrow in her home. While rubbing her eyes she stood, only to be hit with a wave of nausea and then a pair of firm hands guiding her back to the sofa. Felicity was still inebriated.

"What are you two doing here?" She asked slurring, one eye open.

"Didn't turn up to the foundry. We knew exactly what'd happened." Exclaimed Diggle.

"Seriously Felicity? This place is a mess! And by judging how much you've drank you could be in a hospital bed right now! Probably the best place for you…" Oliver shouted, the last sentence quietly mumbled to himself.

"Just leave me alone. Oh my God. Why is there always such a problem with what I do?" Felicity retorted angrily.

"Because, Felicity this is more than harmless fun, and anyone can see that. You're hurting and you won't let us help you. You're obviously depressed and I've found your records and 'happy pills' to prove it." John carefully, and quieter than the other two, replied while holding up prescription papers and an empty pill bottle. He felt off holding the pill bottle. It felt like a heavy weight that was hurting Oliver, Felicity and him.

She relaxed herself and mumbled, once again, "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Because we love you Felicity." Oliver diligently said but all it did was make her cringe and feel sadder. Last time she'd said that to her it was for a way to trick Slade Wilson, so she brushed it off, saw it as another lie.

"We're going to be monitoring you and you'll be staying at either mine or Oliver's," Diggle explained sadly, pointing out she had no choice to anything else, "Please pack a bag. Actually- I'll come and help you – you're still drunk." He held out his hand and she took it sloppily as she stood up. Felicity led him to her room which was even worse than the rest of the house combined. She mumbled a quick sorry while clearing off a few things into a binbag then grabbing her purple, green and blue patterned suitcase, grabbing whichever clothing item was clean and stuffing it in there. John leant a hand on her shoulder and started to pack for her.

Felicity fell back against her bed, looking out the window and allowing silent tears to fall down her face. She, not long after, fell asleep without Diggle noticing. He went to say her name but realised she was passed out again. John finished packing. He then rolled up the suitcase to his car, walked back and this time brought Felicity. The strong soldier felt like he was carrying a chunk of shattered glass or ripped paper, anything that was broken really. Including Felicity.

Spartan placed the blonde in his car then sat himself in the driver's seat. He thought it'd be best she'd stay with him; she was already so hurt over Oliver he doubted that she would have wanted to live with him alongside that pain. John texted Oliver they were ready to leave but the man insisted he stayed back and create Felicity's house a home again. He also assured that he wouldn't go through her stuff – just clear up and bin rubbish. The Archer understood how if Felicity would want to talk about certain things he might've found – she should do it on her own terms and when she is ready.

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An unconscious Felicity and an extremely concerned Diggle arrived at his house, or what he'd like to call his 'humble abode'. He took both Felicity and her bag inside; putting Felicity on the couch and the bag in the guest bedroom.

"What are we going to do with you Felicity?" He mumbled to himself.

John didn't understand how this had happened. Everything was completely fine before that night and she'd never had underlying problems neither Oliver nor he had seen, and they are _good_ at reading people's emotions. It just all burst out like a balloon and a needle. Not in the healthiest way possible either. Diggle shrugged at his thinking and got the guest room ready for her. He put her clothes in the cupboards hoping this would signal to her she wasn't going anywhere very soon. After that, he pulled back the covers, picked up Felicity from the lounge and put her under them – making sure she was comfortable and warm.

The hacker murmured a 'thank you' before turning over onto her side. He smiled but not much later disappeared. Spartan sat on the bed next to her reading a book for the next few hours until he, himself, fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**i am from the uk so words will probably be written as traditional english. like 'mum' or words with z; e.g 'realize' (realise in the uk). it's just easier to write and when i'm reading over it i don't have the irritating urge to change it. anyway! on with the chapter :)**

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Felicity woke up with a jolt. It came for Oliver knocking lightly on the door of the room she was in. She looked around, inspecting her surroundings. The blonde had no recollection of how she got there. Until some stinging memories flooded back to her and she realised. One deep breath in, one deep breath out. She did it once and calmed down after around five seconds.

Oliver smiled that she was okay but didn't hesitate jumping to the point, "Glad you're alright but we really need to talk about this. It isn't healthy so you'll be staying here until you've fully sobered up." The hacktivist nodded. She knew she had no other choice. This was the _fucking _ Green Arrow. How was she supposed to run away from that?

"Right then. That it?" Felicity asked, impatiently.

"Of course that's not it Felicity!" He replied patronisingly, "This is a problem and you're going to be getting help for it and not just from us."

The blonde acted like she was half listening as she was staring and picking at her nails, "Don't have a lot of money. So, how're you planning to do that? It's not like I want to go anyway..."

"Who said you were going to pay for it? You'd delete you're session five minutes after you'd booked it."

"Probably. Then again, I could also probably leave, delete any trace of me off the internet and disappear... Oh! That one sounds more appealing!" Felicity chuckled.

"Wonderful! More ways to avoid a situation that will benefit you. We're here for you so why do you keep making all these 'jokes'. It's obvious you actually want to do them. Why can't you just give us a chance?"

"Why should I?" She asked, then quietening down to a whisper, "You never did."

"Because we're here for you and the more you realise that things will become better, eventually. But pushing people away only makes you lonely in the long run."

Felicity shrugged and sank back into the bed. She _really _didn't want to do this. Her mother doesn't even know about this - to an extent - she just thinks her daughter had a little fun in high school and college. That's it.

The fact she was in a post-alcohol depression didn't help either. She had been drinking for three days straight; a night with her friends, herself and the night before. Felicity was not really in the best state to be talking about her well-being as she very much didn't care. So, instead of making excuses or agreeing, she sank further (if it was even possible) into the pillows on the bed.

He sighed, releasing anger and tension, "Seriously Felicity?"

Shrugging, she said, "Not like I have a fucking choice, do I? Over the last two days I've been grilled for my actions. How dare I want to be left alone."

Oliver rolled his eyes. Sarcasm. This was not the Felicity he knew, she was usually a light-bright, a mood changer whenever she walked into the room and now? Now, she was sarky, rude and ignorant.

"Please? Just try. For me?" He asked, politely this time. She nodded. It's not like all her feelings for him weren't there; they were a contributing factor to her constant inebriation.

Felicity got out of bed slowly ignoring the wave of nausea hitting her in the face. While yawning, she took her glasses off the nightstand and blinked several times to adjust her vision.

"I'm going to shower so may I have some privacy?" She pondered. She really was trying to be nice and wasn't aware if it came off as rude. Oliver replied with a quick yes and left the room cautiously. Towel in hand, Felicity walked into the bathroom and locked the door. She laughed to herself realising it would probably take her approximately ten minutes to figure out how the shower works.

Shockingly, she did it in one and stepped in. Her mind fluttered to why she was like this. She thought again. _Why was she like this? _

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

* * *

"Daddy! Look what I made!" Felicity screamed happily while running into her Father's study. He had a small crystal glass in hand that he was nursing slowly and didn't seem to notice his loud, cheerful daughter. She repeated herself grasping his attention this time.

"I managed to programme a Raspberry Pi!" She exclaimed proudly. He smiled and ruffled her hair.

"The smartest seven year old ever!" Noah smiled, placing his glass down and pulling the young child onto his lap. He took the mini-computer from her fragile hands and inspected it, genuinely impressed.

Felicity then picked up with two hands his scotch glass and sniffed it, "This is weird smelling apple juice."

"This is alcohol. Only for adults," He replied, taking it from her and placing it back down on his desk, "Adults use it to unwind and forget sometimes." That sentence went straight into her brain behind a locked door - it'd always be there, reminding her, nagging her. In the future, it'd end up screaming at her to try it - fulfill her curiousity and _forget. _Although that future would be six years later; at the age of thirteen.

Laughing she said, "Magic juice!" and ran off to her bedroom.

The next day, Felicity headed to her parents' room to wake them up but her dad wasn't there. Instead she found a very awake Donna Smoak reading a handwritten note.

"Mummy? Where's Daddy?" She asked, puzzled.

"Uh-um." Donna paused, should she be truthful to her seven year old or sugarcoat it? She had no idea.

"He left and won't be coming back." She sniffled. Felicity dropped her stuffed animal. Did he drink too much 'magic juice' and forget about her too?

* * *

**PRESENT**

* * *

She knew. She knew why she was like this. Everything stemmed from her father. Noah Kuttler; the infamous calculator. The reason why her father's gone, the reason why she was bullied for being a nerd and the reason why she's an alcoholic... because adults need to unwind and forget sometimes.


End file.
